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Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Mecha-Einstein will save us all
This picture really brings up a lot of complex, conflicting feelings and
begs all sorts of maddening torturous questions.
Watch this space, more to come.
Get more ROBOTS in the Robot Archives
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Round Robin
I used to answer the phones at MGM. Many, many of the people who called were either dim-witted, insane, or both.
Here are some transcripts of my favorite calls presented for posterity:
Some crazy old lady called and asked for the animation department.
ME: "I'm sorry, we don't have one."
C: "Then what's the number for Hannah Barbara?"
ME:"Why would we have that number?" (this slips out sometimes)
C: "They said you would."
ME: "Who?"
C: "Universal said you would have the number."
ME: "Oh, right. Actually, Warner Brothers will have that number."
C: "Oh. What is the number for Warner Brothers?"
ME: "You can call Miramax for that number."
C: "Okay, thanks..."
CLICK.
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
Here are some transcripts of my favorite calls presented for posterity:
Some crazy old lady called and asked for the animation department.
ME: "I'm sorry, we don't have one."
C: "Then what's the number for Hannah Barbara?"
ME:
C: "They said you would."
ME: "Who?"
C: "Universal said you would have the number."
ME: "Oh, right. Actually, Warner Brothers will have that number."
C: "Oh. What is the number for Warner Brothers?"
ME: "You can call Miramax for that number."
C: "Okay, thanks..."
CLICK.
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
The Matrix doesn't have you
I used to answer the phones at MGM. Many, many of the people who called were either dim-witted, insane, or both.
Here are some transcripts of my favorite calls presented for posterity:
Ring…Ring…
Me: MGM
Angry Caller: Who IS THIS?! (That is the most common response I receive when someone calls up MGM and I answer “MGM”, by the way.)
ME: MGM.
AC: Who is this, what department is this?
ME: This is reception. How may I direct your call?
AC: Put me through to the people who made the Matrix!
ME: Sorry, we didn’t make The Matrix.
AC: Well WHO DID?!
ME: Sorry, you’ll have to look that up for yourself.
AC: Well why can’t you just tell me?
ME: That’s not our movie, you’ll have to look that up yourself.
AC: Well why can’t you just tell me?
ME: You’ll have to look that up yourself.
AC: Why won’t you tell me?
ME: Why don’t you look it up yourself?
AC: Well what department can I call, who do I call?
ME: Why do you have to call anyone? You can find this information easily anywhere.
AC: I have to find out who made The Matrix. You’re a production person, why don’t you tell me?
ME: Uh, you’ll have to look it up yourself. You can get just about any magazine at a newsstand and get this information.
AC: I have a newsstand! I have a newspaper! It doesn’t say who made it!
ME: Well, it will only take a short time to find this information.
AC: I don’t have a short time, I’m dying!
ME: It will still be easy to find out on your own.
AC: But you know, so why won’t you won’t tell me?
ME: Uh…You’ll have to look that up for yourself.
AC: Chicken sh*t.
CLICK
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
Here are some transcripts of my favorite calls presented for posterity:
Ring…Ring…
Me: MGM
Angry Caller: Who IS THIS?! (That is the most common response I receive when someone calls up MGM and I answer “MGM”, by the way.)
ME: MGM.
AC: Who is this, what department is this?
ME: This is reception. How may I direct your call?
AC: Put me through to the people who made the Matrix!
ME: Sorry, we didn’t make The Matrix.
AC: Well WHO DID?!
ME: Sorry, you’ll have to look that up for yourself.
AC: Well why can’t you just tell me?
ME: That’s not our movie, you’ll have to look that up yourself.
AC: Well why can’t you just tell me?
ME: You’ll have to look that up yourself.
AC: Why won’t you tell me?
ME: Why don’t you look it up yourself?
AC: Well what department can I call, who do I call?
ME: Why do you have to call anyone? You can find this information easily anywhere.
AC: I have to find out who made The Matrix. You’re a production person, why don’t you tell me?
ME: Uh, you’ll have to look it up yourself. You can get just about any magazine at a newsstand and get this information.
AC: I have a newsstand! I have a newspaper! It doesn’t say who made it!
ME: Well, it will only take a short time to find this information.
AC: I don’t have a short time, I’m dying!
ME: It will still be easy to find out on your own.
AC: But you know, so why won’t you won’t tell me?
ME: Uh…You’ll have to look that up for yourself.
AC: Chicken sh*t.
CLICK
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
Friday, November 18, 2005
Guess who got implants?
I used to answer the phones at MGM. Many, many of the people who called were either dim-witted, insane, or both.
Here are some transcripts of my favorite calls presented for posterity:
ring...ring...Ring…
Me: MGM
Crazy Caller: I need to speak to the President.
M: Which President?
CC: The guy who runs the company.
M: What is this in regards to?
CC: About a movie. About my life.
M: I see. Do you have a script based on your life you want us to make?
CC: Actually they’re already making it. They have recording devices implanted in my body.
M: I see.
CC: Is that you or Universal?
M: Universal is usually the ones who implant devices in people’s bodies. You should try them.
CC: Oh, thanks.
CLICK.
ME: Ha ha, you fool! It was us all along! How do you think we made Legally Blonde 2?!
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
Here are some transcripts of my favorite calls presented for posterity:
ring...ring...Ring…
Me: MGM
Crazy Caller: I need to speak to the President.
M: Which President?
CC: The guy who runs the company.
M: What is this in regards to?
CC: About a movie. About my life.
M: I see. Do you have a script based on your life you want us to make?
CC: Actually they’re already making it. They have recording devices implanted in my body.
M: I see.
CC: Is that you or Universal?
M: Universal is usually the ones who implant devices in people’s bodies. You should try them.
CC: Oh, thanks.
CLICK.
ME: Ha ha, you fool! It was us all along! How do you think we made Legally Blonde 2?!
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Looking for Stephen King
I used to answer the phones at MGM. Many, many of the people who called were either dim-witted, insane, or both.
Here are some transcripts of my favorite calls presented for posterity:
Ring...Ring...
ME: MGM.
ORNERY YOKEL: Yeah, I wanna talk to Stephen King.
ME: Stephen King, the author?
OY: Or his publisher. I have a story.
ME: Uh, sorry, we don’t have any connection with Mr. King.
OY: Then who does?
ME: I have no idea, sir.
OY: This is Hollywood, right?
ME: …yes.
OY: You answered the phone ‘MGM’, right?
ME: Yes, but we don’t have that information, I’m sorry.
OY: But you produce movies, don’t you?
ME: No, we distribute movies. Sorry.
OY: Well put me through to a producer!
ME: We don’t have producers here. But if you want to contact Stephen King or his publisher
I’m sure you could find their contact information on a book and write to them.
OY: I don’t have a Stephen King book!
ME: Okay, but there are hundreds of millions in print, and you could go to a newsstand, or library, or book store and copy down the information on the back.
OY: I don’t have a book! That’s why I’m doing this on the phone!
ME: I understand, sir, but we don’t publish books. We have nothing to do with that. And we are not involved with Rodeo, or Astronauts. We’re a separate business, and we can’t answer your questions. And I can’t transfer you to someone who would.
OY: Yeah, transfer me.
ME: I can’t transfer you.
OY: You just said you could transfer me!
ME: ???? No, you must have misheard me. I said I CAN’T transfer you. There’s no one here who can answer your question. You have to look elsewhere.
OY: Then put me through to somebody else. A producer.
(FAST FORWARD 5 minutes, repeating the above chorus)
ME: Sorry sir, but we do not represent Stephen King.
OY: I don’t wanna talk to Stephen King!
ME: You started this call by saying you wanted Stephen King or his publisher. If I had to guess, I would bet you could find out how to reach him by looking at the back of any of his books.
OY: I’m f*cking illiterate! That’s why I’m doing this over the phone! I’m a goddamned 46 year old functioning illiterate.
Sadly, this call actually happened.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Communication Breakdown
I used to answer the phones at MGM. Many, many of the people who called were either dim-witted, insane, or both.
Here are some transcripts of my favorite calls:
Ring…Ring….
ME: MGM.
UNEDUCATED L.A. CALLER: Is Jenneer there?
ME: Jeneer?
ULC: Is Jenneer there?
ME: Jeneer who?
ULC: Um…damn. I don’t know.
ME: What department?
ULC: Um…is he there?
ME: What does he do?
ULC: Gets the records out.
ME: You’re looking for records?
ULC: He gets the records out.
ME: What kind of records?
ULC: Um....you know...Doctor Dre, Eminem.
ME: So he’s in the music department?
ULC: Yeah.
ME: Can you spell that first name for me?
ULC: Jeneer.
ME: Can you spell it for me?
ULC: You know…J – R.
ME: Junior?
ULC: Yeah, Jeneer.
ME; Oh, Junior. Okay, but what’s his real first name? I don’t have anyone listed under ‘Junior’.
ULC: He said that was his name.
ME: Yeah, but I don’t think that’s a legal first name. It’s a nickname. Do you know his name?
ULC: Uh…damn. He’s Hispanic.
ME: Okay.
ULC: He’s 21. Is he there?
ME: I don’t have a list of Hispanic 21 yr olds in front of me.
ULC: Uh…damn. Okay.
CLICK.
RING…RING…
ME: MGM.
MEXICAN CALLER: Uh…MGM?
ME: Yes, MGM.
MC: Uhhhh…Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer?
ME: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.
MC: What to for the place different pictures?
ME: …..I’m sorry. I don’t understand your question.
MC: Thank you.
CLICK.
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
Here are some transcripts of my favorite calls:
Ring…Ring….
ME: MGM.
UNEDUCATED L.A. CALLER: Is Jenneer there?
ME: Jeneer?
ULC: Is Jenneer there?
ME: Jeneer who?
ULC: Um…damn. I don’t know.
ME: What department?
ULC: Um…is he there?
ME: What does he do?
ULC: Gets the records out.
ME: You’re looking for records?
ULC: He gets the records out.
ME: What kind of records?
ULC: Um....you know...Doctor Dre, Eminem.
ME: So he’s in the music department?
ULC: Yeah.
ME: Can you spell that first name for me?
ULC: Jeneer.
ME: Can you spell it for me?
ULC: You know…J – R.
ME: Junior?
ULC: Yeah, Jeneer.
ME; Oh, Junior. Okay, but what’s his real first name? I don’t have anyone listed under ‘Junior’.
ULC: He said that was his name.
ME: Yeah, but I don’t think that’s a legal first name. It’s a nickname. Do you know his name?
ULC: Uh…damn. He’s Hispanic.
ME: Okay.
ULC: He’s 21. Is he there?
ME: I don’t have a list of Hispanic 21 yr olds in front of me.
ULC: Uh…damn. Okay.
CLICK.
RING…RING…
ME: MGM.
MEXICAN CALLER: Uh…MGM?
ME: Yes, MGM.
MC: Uhhhh…Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer?
ME: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.
MC: What to for the place different pictures?
ME: …..I’m sorry. I don’t understand your question.
MC: Thank you.
CLICK.
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Call of the Day
I used to answer the phones at MGM. Many, many of the people who called were either dim-witted, insane, or both.
Here are some transcripts of my favorite calls presented for posterity:
Call of The Day.
ring...ring...
ME: MGM.
CALLER: Hello, Universal Studios?
ME: No, this is MGM.
CALLER: Is this the theme park?
ME: No, you have the wrong number.
CALLER: Well, can you give me the number?
ME: No...
CALLER: What an @sshle!
CLICK!
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
Monday, November 14, 2005
Monday, November 07, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Robot Uprising
It's finally here - HOW TO SURVIVE A ROBOT UPRISING by Daniel H. Wilson.
Looks like a great read... but does it include these strange Robots?
Elektro - The Cigarette smoking robot from the 1930's. And his little robot dog, too.
The Robot VS. The Aztec Mummy - In this review of the 1960's movie we learn that robots can defend us from Aztec mummies.
Giant Inflatable Robots - These robots from BABO boast 'Ample Massiveness'. Click here for video.
And finally, a Waffle Making Robot. I guess they can't be all that bad.
Get more ROBOTS in the Robot Archives
Webcomics, short stories, and more @ cartercomics.com
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